Postpartum Depression

If you cry because there's cereal on the table after breakfast. If you cry with every diaper change whether poop is involved or not. If your kids are eating cereal for breakfast, toast for lunch and frozen pizza for dinner every day. If you become increasingly fond of the fetal position, you might have post postpartum depression.

So, I fit all these criteria and called my doctor and they put me on Zoloft. I had been on it once before after Asher was born and had done fine. But this time, oh, my friends, THIS time, it was not okay! First of all, I started taking it 2 days before a surprise trip to Salt Lake to visit Brad's mom for her birthday. We got to SL, all 7 of us, with all our luggage (nothing checked!) and successfully pulled off the surprise party for his mom. I was sleeping only 3-4 hours at night. Then the shaking started, trembling constantly. Then the rocking back and forth. Then the rubbing my palms together and on my pants and really anything. Then came the wailing. The kind of crying that I have NEVER experienced in my life! Combine all those and it equals a mental breakdown. I remember about 15 minutes of it. Brad says it lasted 5 hours! I called the doctor here in Michigan and explained what happened. The nice nurse told me that shaking, rocking and feeling more anxious is common and to keep taking the Zoloft. We came back to Michigan, all 7 of us, with all luggage, and I went to the doctor. She couldn't believe how I was!! So now I am on Klonopin, which knocks me out a good deal of the time which is why there has been such a hiatus from posting. They also changed me to Paxil. It seems to be working. I can see glimpses of myself coming back.

So the short version, I'm numb, feel very little in terms of love and connection to anyone. It's weird to feel so lonely in a house of 7 people. But I am getting better and can see light, but I can't tell how far away it is.