So I can blog from my phone now - look out!

First Day of School

They were so happy to hop on the bus and get back to school. I try not to take it personally... ;) Samara isn't quite sure what to do with herself. And Harper keeps looking around for the boys. It's eerily quiet here.

How Samara Thinks

Samara exclaimed to me this morning, "Mom, I have hair on my arm. Now I can get a watch!"

She recently turned two and a half and is such a joy to have around and talk to. She quite often will study her body carefully and say things like, "I have great shoulders, look!" or "Look at my beautiful chins - [pointing] 1, 2." She also went through the stage recently of asking everyone she encountered if they had a bum. And they all did!! She is trying so hard to be big and go potty in the toilet. We also just passed the one year anniversary of her breaking her arm. She still claims to remember it, but she always points to the wrong arm. I'm glad she doesn't remember actually. She loves being a big sister and is almost always gentle. She usually is singing any song that she can kind of remember the words to, some are better then others. We love our Samara and we're glad she's around to brighten our lives.

With the depression lately, she has been trying to help more around the house.

Her loading the dishwasher! She was so proud!

Postpartum Depression

If you cry because there's cereal on the table after breakfast. If you cry with every diaper change whether poop is involved or not. If your kids are eating cereal for breakfast, toast for lunch and frozen pizza for dinner every day. If you become increasingly fond of the fetal position, you might have post postpartum depression.

So, I fit all these criteria and called my doctor and they put me on Zoloft. I had been on it once before after Asher was born and had done fine. But this time, oh, my friends, THIS time, it was not okay! First of all, I started taking it 2 days before a surprise trip to Salt Lake to visit Brad's mom for her birthday. We got to SL, all 7 of us, with all our luggage (nothing checked!) and successfully pulled off the surprise party for his mom. I was sleeping only 3-4 hours at night. Then the shaking started, trembling constantly. Then the rocking back and forth. Then the rubbing my palms together and on my pants and really anything. Then came the wailing. The kind of crying that I have NEVER experienced in my life! Combine all those and it equals a mental breakdown. I remember about 15 minutes of it. Brad says it lasted 5 hours! I called the doctor here in Michigan and explained what happened. The nice nurse told me that shaking, rocking and feeling more anxious is common and to keep taking the Zoloft. We came back to Michigan, all 7 of us, with all luggage, and I went to the doctor. She couldn't believe how I was!! So now I am on Klonopin, which knocks me out a good deal of the time which is why there has been such a hiatus from posting. They also changed me to Paxil. It seems to be working. I can see glimpses of myself coming back.

So the short version, I'm numb, feel very little in terms of love and connection to anyone. It's weird to feel so lonely in a house of 7 people. But I am getting better and can see light, but I can't tell how far away it is.

Harper lately

She has a new boyfriend only a few days older than her and they were found laying on the couch together snuggling.


BUSTED!

"I wasn't touching her, I swear!"

And she laughs!!

Our night tonight

So Asher ate the corner of a magnetic Bakugon card tonight. (why? I don't know, but he did.) Hyrum and Isaac being the big brothers that they are told him he was going to die because of it. He came down into the living room sobbing. I asked what was wrong and he said he didn't want to die. Isaac came around the corner and said, "But if you die and go to Heaven, Jesus will be there and He will protect you." Asher said, "I don't want Jesus. I want you guys," then gushed with more tears. He kept repeating over and over that he wants to stay in Michigan, he wants to be with us, he doesn't want Jesus. It was heartbreaking! We held each other for a long time. He finally calmed down. Gosh, I love that kid.



And for the record, he did not get any of the magnetic part of the card down, just the paper cover. Never got to the bottom of why...

30 things about me for my 30th birthday

1.I grew up in Arlington, Texas.
2.I am the 3rd of 4 kids.
3.My favorite color is ORANGE!!!
4.I love road trips.
5.I have never had a passport.
6.I have traveled by car, train, and plane, but not ship.
7.I have put almost 100,000 miles on our car in the last 5 years, and we don’t drive that much around the city.
8.I used to be a model – but trying to figure out that line of what I was and wasn’t OK with was not worth it to me.
9.I had a baby for every odd year of my 20s – 21, 23, 25, 27, and 29.
10.Cadbury eggs are magical to me.
11.I have come close to dying twice – once as a teenager and once after childbirth.
12.I have been to 37 of the 50 states and Mexico.
13.My husband truly is my best friend.
14.I have changed over 12,000 diapers.
15.I have been cliff jumping.
16.I sell Mary Kay mainly for the discount for myself (because I don’t like being pushy).
17.I am still working toward my Bachelor’s degree in Psychology, slowly, but surely.
18.I have moved 9 times since being married (9 years ago).
19.I sang karaoke “Endless Love” with my husband.
20.I love throwing parties/ dinners/ brunches.
21.I have 2 clothes dryers – makes laundry days sooo much easier and faster.
22.I used to be a good listener, now I’m a better talker. Still trying to find that middle ground.
23.There’s not much I wouldn’t do for some Taco Bell.
24.I have been parasailing.
25.I am good with numbers and remembering things like birthdays and phone numbers.
26.I always wanted to be a mom and thoroughly love it – almost always :) .
27.I have worked 120 hours in one week before (there are only 168 hours IN a week).
28.I have more Halloween decorations than Christmas decorations (or any other holiday for that matter)
29.I have tasted poop...not my own...in the last year :(.
30.I am a freakishly good budgeter.